April 17, 2008

Top 10 Expenses to Drop Before Dropping Cable

By Steve Goldstein

No wonder the news about the economy is bad—journalists keep getting laid off, and the survivors are just so gloomy. We're skeptical ourselves, but just in case you feel the need to tighten your belt and cancel your digital cable subscription, here are a few less essential items you can cut from your budget.

1. New clothes: Do your laundry already, you lazy bum.

2. Protein: Meat, fish and poultry are expensive. Eat pasta instead. Atkins was a crackpot.

3. Gasoline: Your car is the enemy of your grandchildren, who shall inherit an overheated planet.

4. Movies: All you do in theaters is text-message.

5. Cell phones: All you do on them is text-message. Use e-mail instead.

6. Netflix membership: What, there's nothing on Turner Classic Movies tonight?

7. Tickets to sporting events: All you do at the stadium is text-message.

8. Tickets to concerts: See above, and why don't you learn some manners while you're at it.

9. Restaurants: It's more fun to eat spaghetti in front of the TV, and you know it.

10. Gym membership: There's an empty treadmill with your name on it.