March 30, 2007

WrestleMania Fever Hits the Big Apple 

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E-musing: On the circuit with CableWorld editor Seth Arenstein

• Click here for Seth's behind-the-scenes video on the lead-up to WrestleMania 23

When I arrived at New York's Trump Tower Wednesday, a few minutes before noon, they’d been there for hours. A line of people—I guessed 400 or so, but SI.com reports more than 600 fans—encircled the huge edifice on Fifth Avenue. Most seemed to fall into the male 18-34 demo coveted by buyers one block over. Still, my first thoughts were, "Don't they realize this is all fake?"

When I got inside they were five rows deep around the small gathering of seats and two-tiered dais that had been assembled for the WrestleMania 23 press briefing. By the time the event began, about 20 minutes later, the entire proceeding was surrounded. I looked up, and the 4-story escalator, rising to what seemed the sky, was stopped, allowing several hundred people, many carrying signs and wearing WWE shirts and hats, to look down, and, as I witnessed later, scream.

Their favorite was “Austin, Austin, Austin,” for legendary grappler Stone Cold Steve Austin, who’ll be a special referee for the battle of the billionaires, pitting a wrestler representing Donald Trump and one fighting for WWE chief Vince McMahon. The winner gets to shave the head of the loser. Don't they realize the winner of that barbershop match, as well as all the others during WrestleMania 23, is pre-determined?

Many cable-related press conferences have more speakers than reporters. That would not be the case this day. Had these great marbled walls and floors ever seen so many pierced ears, lips and baseball caps worn backward? And I’m only speaking about the press corps. I adjusted my tie and felt almost totally out of place.

Fortunately WWE’s chief marketers, Kurt Schneider and Geof Rochester, outfitted smartly in suits and ties, came by for a meet and greet. Then a video played, loaded with the kind of wrestling action WWE is known for the world over. Just as important, there was plenty of footage that showed other sides of the business that Vince and Linda McMahon founded, and people like Schneider and Rochester have built into a publicly traded company. One whose events are seen in 130 countries, attract 47 million viewers worldwide each week and bring in some $2 billion in PPV revenue. But, again, it's all based on fakery, right?

Yes, the video included governors like (former wrestler) Jesse Ventura and Ahhnold, but it also showed pols like House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) saluting WWE for its work to encourage citizens to vote. As Sen. Hilary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) said in the video, “Let’s smack down that vote!” – echoing the cry of WWE’s campaign engineered in part by WWE’s savvy PR guru Gary Davis. Later the video showed WWE’s wrestlers entertaining troops in Iraq and  Afghanistan and visiting injured soldiers here and abroad.

Dave Batista in the house (that Trump built)

The video screen included clips of wrestlers crossing the pop culture divide, gracing Leno’s and Conan’s couches, kibbitzing with Reeg. Also seen attending WWE events: Shaq, Ray Charles, John Elway, Tony Hawk, Mark Cuban, Kid Rock and Pete Rose (surely he knows he shouldn’t bet on something whose winners are determined by script writers and ignored by sports writers).

More from Hollywood—the video showed exclusive clips of Stone Cold’s upcoming film Condemned, WWE Films’ 3rd release, coming to a theater near you this summer. Then a glimpse of celebs like Adam Sandler watching a match and Jewel predicting that Trump’s wrestler will defeat McMahon’s and Jason Alexander noting that, "I'm really not in a position to denigrate anyone's hair, but what’s going on with Trump's hair?" And then up on the video screen is Kevin Federline, whose ex, Britney Spears, just took the most famous haircut since Samson.

"Isn’t this like a soap opera on steroids?” someone says of the WWE, not realizing that since last week’s SI.com story about a federal investigation involving drugs and  professional wrestlers and other athletes it's probably not the best time to mention performance-enhancing substances. On the other hand, the bodies we were about to see don’t occur normally in nature.

John Cena takes the podium

By this point the crowd is screaming for the press conference to start. And it does, overseen by one of WWE’s ring announcers. Each participant makes an entrance, like a wrestling match. Out comes John Cena, a mountain of a man, totally in character, wearing a tee shirt, shorts and army cap, carrying his huge, sparkling championship belt. The crowd goes wild. Flash bulbs go off throughout the atrium. Next is Sean Michaels, the heartbreak kid, the showstopper, his pony tail neatly coiffed, making like a banker, in suit and tie. “Why do they call me the show stopper? Because I am.” (WWE’s writers must have had the day off.)

Still, it’s easy to see why Cena and Michaels are among WWE’s superstars. Besides their obvious physical attributes, they’re great showmen, responding to and pumping up the crowd. That was more evident when out came Melina, the women’s champ, a sultry combination of silicone, sinew and sex. But her presence and patter couldn’t match the men. The same could be said about her challenger, Ashley, a pretty blond who appears on this month’s cover of Playboy. “WrestleMania is an amazing experience,” she said. (Zzzzzzz). True, but it’s fake, isn’t it?

The physicality continued when tall wrestler Batista appeared, doffed his suit jacket and revealed a more massive physique than Cena and Michaels combined. Batista’s shtick was interrupted by shouts from the escalator crowd: “Taker, Taker, Taker,” referring to The Undertaker, his 7-foot-plus opponent for WrestleMania, and a man who, appropriately, always wrestles with dirt under his fingernails. He never appears by daylight, thus his absence today. Oh, and he’s undefeated in WrestleMania, a perfect 14-0 record. But that’s courtesy of WWE’s writers, isn’t it?

Milena snarls for the fans

After the introduction of the new Miss USA, the lovely Rachel Smith, it was time for McMahon and Trump to step up, with each giving inflammatory speeches, most convincingly. “He treats people like crap…I genuinely truly don’t like [Vince McMahon],” growls the Donald and his comb over, which is the sandy color of a lion’s mane.

“Nice building,” McMahon says, “wonder if it’s for sale?” A heckler: “You can’t afford it.” McMahon: “The hell I can’t.” [Editor’s note: The hell he can’t. WWE charges $49.99 for the WrestleMania pay-per-view. It’s anticipating more than 1 million PPV buys Sunday, not to mention a sold-out Ford Field in Detroit, plus merchandise deals, DVDs etc.]

Then McMahon and Trump, like a couple of boxers, stare each other down (you’d think they were going to fight). Then McMahon plays with Trump’s pink tie, and Trump slaps McMahon. The slap is audible, but I’m not convinced. Then McMahon jostles Trump. Still bogus.

Suddenly—and this all takes just a few seconds— Trump’s bodyguard jumps in, shoving McMahon, whose neck and arms appear to be thick under a well-tailored suit. More pushing and shoving and suddenly McMahon is propelled into a camera man; the camera man and McMahon fall hard, like bowling pins. McMahon rises, and quickly rushes, low and hard into the bodyguard. I’m just a few feet away from all this. More than close enough to see McMahon’s eyes bulging, and the wrestlers on the dais looking shocked.

I’m convinced this is a stunt (the slap) gone awry. No question, this is a real fight. This is amazing. Just then Bobby Lashley, the cannon ball-built wrestler who’s fighting for Trump, jumps in, puts a choke hold on McMahon and flings him like a small sack of coal over the press table, knocking down the table, the microphones and, yes, that same, unlucky camera man. 

Order is restored eventually and you begin to process what you saw. It happened so quickly, but it was violent. After a few seconds you argue with your brain cells that what you just witnessed probably was staged, but you take a few moments to replay the events, just to be sure. Regardless, it was a great show, completely worthy of the WWE.

Once you leave the building and the reality of the spring air hits your face, you snap to long enough to realize there’s a throng on the corner. Hundreds didn’t get into Trump Tower, so they're waiting for the wrestlers' exit into hired limos. But don't they realize it was all a fake? It was, wasn't it?     

(Photos of Wrestlemania 23 NY press conference courtesy of Keith Fradella)

• Click here for more commentary and reviews by Seth Arenstein >>