October 1, 2007

Shed No Tears for Queer Eye

Seth Arenstein watches the premiere episode of Queer Eye's final season on Bravo and finds a landmark TV series that was once ahead of — and now, sadly, behind — its time.

By Seth Arenstein

After hemming and hawing about when to air its fourth and final season of Queer Eye, with a summer premiere pulled and QE foodie Ted Allen showing up on Top Chef with nary a mention of his alma mater, the landmark series' swan song finally begins this week (Tuesday, Oct. 2, 9pm).

And what a great way to see if Queer Eye's lessons have stuck. Kicking off the premiere's festivities is the Mr. Straight Guy pageant. To say this event was an exercise in extreme camp is a major understatement.

Susan Lucci, who deserves a special citation from ESPN for being the world’s best sport, agrees to emcee the event. Miss Universe also helps. QE's Fab Five do the judging. “I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes,” Lucci says to the judges. The Fabs’ riposte: “We would love to be in your shoes, they’re beautiful.”

The Fab Five stay in the background, relatively, as Straight Guys from the series' previous seasons “compete” in un-traditional pageant events like cake decorating (“Gentlemen, pick up your spatulas”) and shaving (“We’ve got some razor burn here, that’ll cost him a few points”) and traditional ones, like swimsuit (Carson Kressley hosted this bit of cheesecakery, enjoying it fiercely).

From the many SG’s featured on the series since it premiered in July 2003, 10 are chosen as finalists for the Pageant, including the very first Straight Guy, the formerly unibrowed Adam Zalta. “You never forget your first… straight guy,” quips one of the Fab Five. You’ll likely forget this pageant as soon as it’s over, but Queer Eye, in all its lighthearted silliness, will live on.

But this season premiere's second hour, a more traditional Queer Eye episode, demonstrates that one of reality’s (and gay TV's) pioneer series is ready for retirement. While it’s great to have the boys back on Bravo, by now the Five’s shtick has been adapted by many others.

It’s been parsed to create dozens of shows here and abroad, not only on Bravo (including Project Runway's spinoff makeover show starring Tim Gunn) but on countless other networks. The Queer Guys’ act is comfortable at this point, but not particularly fresh or insightful.

This episode has the lads working to improve a couple who met online, and communicated for months, but have yet to meet in person. At the end of the hour of grooming, fashion, fragrance and other useful tips from the Five, Eric, a small-town boy from Denver, finally lays eyes on Tracie from the Big Apple.

They arrive, with great trepidation and expectations, at the top of Rockefeller Center in Manhattan for a first date. That meeting, which the Five provide exhaustive commentary for, becomes a referendum on online dating. The result, like this show, is a bit of a letdown. For a network whose tagline is "Watch What Happens," let’s hope Bravo has some surprises in store during the remaining eight eps of Queer Eye's final run. 

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